Ok, well, just “truth and justice” then if it’ll bring in more bean overseas… (Dropping “American way” from the Man of Steel’s motto wounded my traditionalist soul…)

I can’t write movie reviews, I’m terrible at it. But after sitting in an IMAX theater for 2 1/2 hours watching Superman, I just have to say a word or two. Not a review — or even a commentary — just a series of observations.

I would have hated this movie if I didn’t like it so damned much. My expectations were low going in so keeping me awake for 2 1/2 hours made it a genuine hit.

What I liked:

  • Kevin Spacey is brilliant as Lex Luthor.
  • The new Superman (Brandon Routh) pulled it off. I never liked Christopher Reeve, God rest him, there was just something “about” the man that weirded me out.
  • The action was great
  • The cinematography was fantastic (Made for IMAX)
  • Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) is hot – unlike that crazy Canadian wench who played her in the Reeve movies

What I hated:

  • Clark Kent wasn’t geeky enough. They turned him into a GQ metrosexual bordering on Euro-fag. Instead of the heavy black glasses, he wore trendy smallish frames. A friend — an expert in communications with the Ph.D. to prove it — said that was intentional. There’s cash in it for Hollywood if they turn Routh into a gay pin-up boy.
  • The last half hour. No spoliers, but it was totally Oprahfied. (Like the rest of this country) Same expert friend said that was designed to appeal to female audiences. The Man of Steel is strong as hell but, at the same time, he’s oh so very “sensitive”.
  • I could live to be 100 and I’ll never understand how they can’t recognize Clark Kent in tights sans glasses. If one of my co-workers took off his glasses and donned some red panties, I think I’d recognize him.
  • For the first time in my life, Superman is younger than I am. (That one hurt)

In general:

The movie is heavy on Christian symbolism (No spoilers):

  • Clark Kent’s mom (Eva Marie Saint — who I thought was long dead until she showed up in the movie looking, well, long dead) cradling him a la the Virgin Mary in the Pieta.
  • Superman falling back to earth in cruciform pose.
  • Talk of the world’s “needing a Savior”.
  • “I hear everything” says Superman, as he stands in low earth orbit listening to the cries (prayers?) of a suffering humanity.
  • The empty hospital bed. The ubermensch is resurrected.

Cut off the last half hour and I’d give it:

In it’s current form, I can only muster 2 1/2.

Here’s a real, honest to Superman, review that sums it up very well.